In this short talk Dr Stephen Marmer helps us to understand the different forms of forgiveness and how we can overcome negative emotions that are holding us back.

What we like

• There are 3 types of forgiveness Exoneration, Forbearance and Release.  Through understanding the difference between the three we have better tools to help us in the process and to choose the most appropriate path for the circumstances

Mind experience

• If you are familiar with the TV series Games of Thrones you will understand the devastating power of an unforgiving person.  Your life may not be as dramatic as these characters however you would have experienced at some time a betrayal or where you have been wronged.  Like a trap you can be caught up in a web of revolving feelings and thoughts. A whole myriad of emotions may come and dictate to your life whether consciously or subconsciously: anger, rage, resentment, bitterness, pain, hatred, revenge, grief, hurt, regret, remorse, shame, sorrow, blame, disappointment, disbelief, heart ache, depression, loneliness. It is easy to spend a lot of time with your thoughts stuck in the past reliving the pain over and over again with it literally eating away at you while good things pass you by.  It is also possible that the other person may not even be giving it another thought.  Understanding where the offender is at and your intent in the relationship is important as to what type of forgiveness is most appropriate.  If the wound is deep the least we can do is to choose “release” so we do not continue to self-inflict the pain. We owe it to ourselves and others around us

To think about

• If you do not release the pain and anger and move past dwelling on old hurts and betrayals, you will be allowing the ones who hurt you to live, rent free, in your mind, reliving forever the persecution that the original incident started

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